I thought it was probably about time I actually updated various things rather than just write vague sad journals. What a revolutionary idea.
Anyway, the crux of the matter is this: I was recently (literally last Tuesday) finally diagnosed with a condition I have been fighting to have recognised for three years now. It's a dysautonomia (problem with the nervous system) called Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome, colloquially referred to as POTS.
It's rare and very underrecognised, which is part of the reason I've had such a hard time getting diagnosed. One doctor actually told me that I couldn't have it because 'it was too rare' and proceeded to diagnose me as having low blood pressure.... Which his tests clearly showed I didn't have..?
Another doctor told me it was normal and made me think I'd gone insane to the point I had a panic attack, so that was great. Goddamnit NHS.
Basically, POTS means that for some reason, my autonomic nervous system doesn't work as it should. Standing up and any physical exertion causes a drop in blood supply to the heart and brain, and as a result triggers the 'fight or flight response' FOR NO REASON. The heart rate increases dramatically, I become super dizzy and can pass out, nausea, chest pains, heat intolerance, shaking, get migraines that last for days.... It sucks.
Add that to the fact I had finally told a GP (the uni one) about the fact I've been struggling with depression on top of my usual anxiety and general autistic oversensitivity for the last three years and am now on medication? Yeah...
I'm doing something called 'interrupting' my studies. It's called a lot of things in different places, but basically it means I am allowed to drop out for as long as I need to get my health to a point where I can study and then they will offer me the same place back. It's probably the best possible outcome, seeing as I originally wanted a year out to have an assistance dog trained to help me at Uni.
So... I'm going to be using this year to sort my POTS out to the point I can stand long enough to get a job, get a job to raise money for the assistance dog for when I go back to Uni (if I do) and just generally put myself in a better place. It's probably gonna be hard without my friends around, but I'm gonna give it a go.
I'll be around quite a lot, probably. :3